King Arthur approaches a groups of serfs working in the muck of the
fields. In the background towers a castle:
Arthur: Old woman!
Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
Dennis: I'm 37! I'm not old!
Arthur: Well, I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: You could say "Dennis".
Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say I'm sorry about the old woman thing, but from behind
Dennis: What I object is to you automatically treat me like an inferior.
Arthur: Well, I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king, eh - very nice. And how'd you get that, then? By
exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma
which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
If there's ever going to be any progress...
Woman: Dennis, Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here. Oh, how'd
Arthur: How'd you do good lady? I am Arthur, king of the Britons.
Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons and I am your king.
Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
Dennis: You're foolin' yourself. We're living in a dicatorship! A
self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...
Woman: Oh there you go bringing class into it again!
Dennis: That's what it's all about! If only people would realize...
Arthur: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don't have a lord.
Dennis: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it
in turns to act as sort of executive officer for the week.
Dennis: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a
special biweekly meeting...
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis:...by a simple majority. In the case of purely internal affairs...
Arthur: Be quiet.
Dennis:...require two thirds majority. In the case of old ladys...
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,... [Angel chorus begins singing in
background] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft
Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence
that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [Angel chorus ends] That is
why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no
basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from
a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: óbut you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just
'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because
some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help!
Help! I'm being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that,
eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw
it, didn't you?
~from Monty Python and the Holy Grail