I'm sad. I don't recognize faces. I have face blindness. I need to meet somebody 10 or 20 times before I recognize them. Less if they are unique. More if their facial features are common.
This is a sign of Aspbergers Syndrome / Autism.
Teased as a kid since I was 5 years old, I flipped so quickly from...
being the kid who always had the soccer ball at the head of the triangle of players,
with an extra special gazelle / sprint gear I could kick into so I was the fastest runner...
to being the ostracized loner / outcast teased by cruel kids who picked on / the low guy on the totem pole;
last to be picked in sports
I was feeling bad and sad in Volleyball last month because a teammate said:
"It's yours!", yet I did not go for the ball. Because in that split second my mind interpreted their verbal YES signal as a NO signal because usually when a teammate speaks up it is to say "I GOT"; meaning a NO signal for me.
Playing Bughouse.net chess last year David advised me, and in that moment I confused him for an opponent. My mind could not in that moment calculate that he was not one of the 4 players in the current game, or that he was not trying to throw me off even if he was not in the game.
I told the guys that night that I had a "brain fart". I felt so bad.
David, my friend, my ally, tried to help me.
In grade school, Junior High, High School, etc I was teased a lot and beat up a little for being different. Really difficult to line up the causes chronologically. Part of the teasing I got in Kindergarten / 1st Grade was due to my dad's death.
Unfortunately my dad suffered depression, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge when I was 5. Ok so no father figure or male role model for me for many years.
Fortunately I have the BEST MOTHER EVER. She kept the house as we had with the best schools in the Nation.
She went back to school for her Teacher's Crendential in Special Ed as her 3 sons were Dyslexic (oldest) Dyslexic (me), and Dysphasic (youngest)
On top of her BA in International Relations (Stanford)
Teaching Credential UC Berkeley, Masters in Education UC Berkeley
Went back to school for MA in Learning Disabled and Gifted education.
Our dad was BA Physics MIT then MA and PHD @ UCB where he met my mom in the cafeteria at the International House. California Governor to be Jerry Brown dined there too.
I built a BUBBLE around me in school, especially in Junior high, so that insults would not hurt me.
I have not been able to lose this bubble. Incoming verbal messages are still fried if I am nervous / threatened.
I am trying to discern whether this SHIELD against INCOMING THREATS is my creation or… so the following article is HELPFUL to me in understanding MUCH of my WIRING.
And here I was thinking my BUBBLE was; A: Stage Fright B: Social Anxiety C: Anti-Teasing defense.
My bubble is MOST PRONOUNCED when I enter a new group of people. This is where I can have FEAR and hence trouble processing incoming WORDS / SENTENCES / REQUESTS / MESSAGES.
HEARING LOSS @ PILLOW FIGHT. Feb 14 2012 Valentines Day I lost half of my hearing in my left ear in the 250 to 500 mHz range when a tall 6' guy with 3' arms and a 4' pillow swung up behind me and clobbered me on the Sidewalk of Market street SF. I did not have a pillow. I had only pen and paper in my hands, gathering emails for SF events.
So now I have trouble hearing at parties… somewhat deaf in my left ear, hearing mostly the RINGING in my left ear that makes it difficult to even get words with my right ear.
- - - - - Why am I writing this tonight? Because the article below is shining new light on my troubled AUDITORY PROCESSING or hindrance thereof.
Friends have helped me before. One friend had me look at Aspergers Syndrome Autism as I did not recognize faces. Another friend pointed me to a Face Blindness website.
When the scientists analyzed the patterns of brain activity and connectivity they found that dyslexic individuals’ brains were able to process the words as well if not better than the controls, but they were 50 percent slower at responding. This appears to be due to poor coordination between their auditory cortices (the areas responsible for processing basic phonemes) and their Broca’s area (the region that processes higher-level language). The weaker the connection between these two regions, the slower the individual’s response.